It's Where You're Going
by PersephonesNauticalNun
Summary: Takes place after Friends With Benefits. Anything that happens on the show after that, I have no idea about, and isn't included in this story. Spencer's trying to figure out where she stands with Ashley.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Spencer or Ashley, or any of the other characters that might or might not come into play here. They are all owned by the creator of South Of Nowhere, whose name escapes me._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 1**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

I have to be honest. I look at her. I look at her in a way that I've never looked at any other girl. I look at her in a way that I don't even think I've used for guys. And it's scary.

But, everything has been scary lately. Moving to Los Angeles, starting a new school... it's all been scary.

But, nothing quite as scary as this.

But, she's worth the fear, I think. No matter how scared I get, I know that I'm going to want to be around her. That free spirit just has a way of catching me, and making me feel alive. The way she paints the world... I want that in my life.

And she's so open and free about herself. It's almost like she's not afraid of anything. The opposite of me. She's sure in who she is, and that's admirable. And she doesn't take any bullshit from people. If people don't like her and accept her for who she is, then she doesn't want to be around them. She will change for no one.

I know that somewhere in that strong, hardened shell, there's a fragile girl in there. I've seen it a few times. When she was worried about her father coming to her performance, when I saw the faintest traces of jealousy flash through her eyes on my couch the night of my horrific 'date'. I see it in the jokes she makes about how she grew up, and how many doctors she sees. That vulnerability is there.

It's the complexity that is Ashley Davies that draws me to her. Because she's all these things wrapped up in this tiny, little bundle of energy. And that energy is always changing. She'll be into something one day, and have a completely new obsession the next.

Huh, maybe she's not as sure as I thought.

But, none of this matters, because I'm sitting in the passenger seat of her car, looking at her. And I know I'm safe, because she's driving, and isn't paying any attention to dorky, naive, Spencer Carlin. Even in my moment of bravery, I'm safe.

My eyes linger on her lips for a moment. Those lips that barely touched mine before they were ripped away. Ripped away by Aiden. I was right. It was stupid for both of us to have a competition over him. Ashley, the open lesbian, and me, the confused straight girl... or bisexual... or lesbian... I don't know.

I zone out and think back to that night; how her breath mingled with mine, the soft brush of her fingertips against my cheek. And then I think of how I rushed out after Aiden came back in. It didn't feel right, kissing her under those circumstances. She tried to reassure me, sure, but it just wasn't right. I wanted kissing Ashley to be something special. Because I know that whatever happens, if it happens, it'll be something I remember forever. I would just like it to be a pleasant memory.

When I was kissing Aiden, I was thinking about Ashley. That much is certain in my mind. I just wish I knew how deep these feelings went. Am I attracted to all girls, or just her? And am I only attracted to her because I know that she wouldn't reject me on the grounds that we're both girls? I don't have the answers to these questions. I don't know what I am, but I know that I like her. I know that I like her, but I don't know if I want to be with her. I know that I don't want to hurt her. She's been hurt too many times in her life. And if I start something with her, and this turns out to just be a phase, that would hurt her.

I have the potential to hurt the great Ashley Davies.

No. I'm getting ahead of myself. Yes, she told me that she was thinking of me while kissing Aiden, too, but I also know that Ashley's all about sex. But, she wouldn't do that to me, would she? I don't think she's capable of using me and then tossing me aside like every one else in her life has done to her. Or maybe she is. Maybe that's all she knows. You always hurt the ones you love.

I must have zoned out for longer than I thought, because I've just noticed her looking expectantly at me. I notice the car has stopped and I take a quick look out my window to figure out where I am. I'm home. She's taken me straight home after school. That's not normal for Ashley.

I look back at her and ask lamely, "What?" I know she has said something by the expression on her face.

"Are we going to talk about the other night, or what?"

I hadn't expected Ashley to bring it up. She seemed too wild and free to worry about it.

"Yeah, if you want." I look around nervously, waiting for her to start the conversation, then realize that sitting out in her car in my driveway might not be the best place to have it. My mom already dislikes her. I'm not looking to give her reason to dislike her more.

I sigh and lick my lips before continuing. My mouth has suddenly gotten dry. "Do you want to come up?"

She gave me a slow nod and opened her door on the pretense of getting out of the car. Before she leaves, though, I feel her hand on mine. I raise my head to meet her eyes and I'm greeted with a small, knowing, reassuring smile. She gives my hand a small squeeze before letting it go and getting out of the car.

My hand tingles all the way to my room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Review Section**

MistyRiver17: You wanted more? Here's more.

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_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Spencer or Ashley, or any of the other characters that might or might not come into play here. They are all owned by the creator of South Of Nowhere, whose name escapes me._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 2**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

I'm always embarrassed when I bring Ashley up to my room. It's so small, and common compared to her almost loft-like room, with the graffiti painted wall, and awesome drum set. Mine doesn't have anything cool. That's why I'm embarrassed.

After dropping my bag on the floor, I move over to my window and look outside. I can almost see Ashley standing in the exact spot she stood when we ditched school and went to the beach. I'll never forget that day.

Oh, God, it started out horribly. I brought up the subject of my confusion, that I think I might like girls, and then she ran off with some boys. Hanging out with them, flirting with them. Here I am, confused out of my mind, trying to tell her indirectly that I'm in love with her...

Holy shit. Did I just admit that?

I hear the bed move behind me, and I turn around to find Ashley sitting on it, her knees under her butt, looking at me, and waiting. Just waiting. There was no look of boredom, no look of eagerness, or anxiety, she was just waiting. Letting me take my time.

I go and join her on my bed, but I don't meet her eyes. I look everywhere but at her. Suddenly my bed sheets seem really interesting as I play with the corner of them.

The thing is, I can't look at Ashley. Not in this close proximity. I was safe in the car, because I couldn't do anything. I'm not safe here, because I know that if I look at her, if I fall into her eyes, I'll want to kiss her. And I don't want to do that. Not this way. I want everything to be out in the open. I want to be sure about my feelings for her. Or at least, I want to know exactly how she feels about me.

There's a warm, tingly feeling under my chin as her fingers guide my face up to look at her. Her eyes are wide, but knowing. Why won't she say something?

She doesn't move her hand away from my chin as she speaks. I am becoming very aware of the texture of her fingers. And I'm starting to think that maybe I don't want them moved after all. "Spencer, why won't you look at me?"

Why does she always ask the hard questions? I could have answered, "Why did you run out like that?" but this... This was too much. But, she's Ashley. I know I have to try to answer this question without sounding too dumb.

"It's just that... well, when I'm around you... I..." I stumble for an answer.

She puts a finger to my lips to silence me. Thank God, I don't have to talk anymore.

"It's okay, Spence. I get it."

She said it with pain in her voice. I didn't think she got it at all. "No, Ash, I don't mean anything bad..."

"No, look, it's cool. When you're around me, you feel awkward because of what might have happened. It's cool, I understand."

Now it was my turn to be hurt. Didn't she know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn't feel awkward over that? Didn't she know me well enough to know that I wouldn't turn my back on her because of something like that?

"No, Ash, that's not it. I..."

"Then what is it, Spence? If I'm wrong, then set me straight. Just tell me already."

I sighed and took her hand in mine, gently brushing the back of her palm with my thumb. I looked at our hands for a few seconds, she had started doing the same to mine. Then I looked up at her and dove in. "I can't look at you, Ash, because if I look at you, if I see you for all that you are... I'm going to want to kiss you."

"Jesus Christ, Spencer, why is that so scary?"

There are so many answers to that question, but I know that's not what she's really asking. She's challenging me, if anything. She wants to know if I have the guts to go through with it. Why she wants to know that is beyond me. Maybe she feels something for me. Maybe she's trying to figure out who she's dealing with. I don't know. But, I know that no one backs down from a challenge from Ashley Davies, least of all me.

I leaned closer to her, and I immediately felt her fingers on my cheek again, guiding me to her mouth. After that simple move, it was like I didn't have to do any work. She did the rest. I just closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of her hand against my cheek, her breath in mine, and finally... her lips against mine.

It didn't last long, a few seconds at best. When she pulled away, I tried to lean in again. Her lips were so warm and soft, that I just wanted to stay there. But she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me away.

"Careful, Spence. Wouldn't want Mommy Dearest to come and catch us, now would we?"

It suddenly became very clear to me why she chose my house instead of hers to have this conversation. She didn't want me doing anything I wasn't ready for, which I probably would have under different circumstances.

We laid on my bed listening to music and holding hands the rest of the afternoon. One thing that still bothered me, though... I still didn't know exactly how she felt about me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Review Section**

Daniela: I agree... Ashley does need to tell Spencer how she feels. As far as the making out... we'll see.

His Keno Waitress: Thank you for the compliment. Here's your reward. More.

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NatitaluvsSmV: I'm glad that you're loving my story. Thanks for the review.

MistyRiver17: You are now officially my favorite reviewer. If only for the fact that you reviewed both chapters. If I could give you a cookie... I would.

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 3**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

Spencer has got to be the cutest and most naive person I've ever met. I thought my hints were pretty obvious. It's like when I asked her if Aiden was what she wanted, I had mentioned that if he wasn't, I might be interested. She seriously thought I meant that I was interested in Aiden. I thought maybe she would take the hint that I was interested in her... that I was interested in filling the role of what she wanted. But no, Spencer has to continue being her normally dense self.

Why else would I hound her for information on her first time? I mean, really, I could have gotten anyone. I made certain that I got hers... because if it wasn't good... I wanted to make it better for her.

If she paid any attention, she would also notice that I quoted her own words on the beach when she was trying to figure herself out. When she was talking about her first time having sex, she made a mention that she wants to have another first time... with some one who really gets her. That's why when I was explaining the differences between dating a girl and dating a guy, I said that dating a girl was like being with some one who gets you.

Why can't she just use her brain?

That's why I was so shocked when she asked me how I really felt about her a few days after we kissed. I mean, really, when she leaned in to kiss me, I kind of took over. I thought that in itself would tell her that I liked her.

"What do you mean, Spence?"

We were walking down the hallway of King High after school, headed toward my car. I guess she wanted to go ahead and bring it up here so we wouldn't make a scene... or she wouldn't do something she wasn't ready for too soon.

She stumbled around, looking for the right words. I wonder if she knew how cute she was when she was nervous.

"It's just... well... do you like me as more than a friend? I mean..."

I stepped in front of her. We were getting nowhere with this. "Look, Spence. I obviously have feelings for you. Otherwise, I never would have kissed you. What's the big deal?"

Apparently, her shoes became more interesting than the topic at hand, because her eyes went straight to them. Every time something hard came up, she would refuse to look at me. It was really starting to hurt.

Well, this time I wasn't going to force her to look at me. I would actually let her get her way this time. "Spencer, if you want to know something, just ask. You'll never get anywhere the way you're going now."

Then I started to walk away. Because she was making this harder than it had to be.

I had only gotten a few steps when I heard her call my name. I turned around, and she looked so lost, and confused, and scared. It almost broke my heart. Almost.

I threw my arms out and dropped them back at my side, exasperated. "What, Spence? What is it?"

She walked the few steps to me, closing the gap. "It's just... I have to know... I mean, you're reputation..."

My heart wasn't almost broken anymore. Now, it was in a rage. I can't believe that she would take my reputation, created by the cheer bitches, and use it against me. I mean, I know that she's into me, I feel her eyes scanning my body all the time. So, then why was she afraid of my reputation. Yeah, I'm all about having fun, that's true, but Spence should know how much she means to me. Especially after that night with Kelly. I was jealous. She knows that. If it were just about having fun, that jealousy never would have been there.

"You know what, Spence? Forget it. If you're so worried about what everybody else thinks... if you're so worried that my reputation is going to get you shunned by the cheer bitches, then this isn't worth it. We'll forget everything happened. Happy? Now you can go back to being the naive new girl that everyone's trying to protect."

I started to storm off, leaving her shocked before turning around and calling to her. "You better hurry up, Spence. I have to get you home before your mommy thinks I've taken you off somewhere to corrupt your fragile, little mind."


	4. Chapter 4

**Review Section**

justlikeyou: Thank you for the add. As a reward, here's more of the story.

Caitlin: Thank you for the compliment. Here's the next chapter.

S.O.N luva: Yeah, it was harsh, but it just wouldn't be Ashley if she didn't stand up for herself, right?

MistyRiver17: Yay! hugs and gives you a homemade cookie I'm glad you think that I'm keeping Spencer and Ashley in character. Right on for me! does the happy dance

swtypie1972: Yeah, I'm keeping it up.

NatitaluvsSmV: That's such a cute face. I kind of wish I could make it. scrunches up face Nope, doesn't work.

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**Author's Note**

_First off, I'd like to say thank you to my readers and reviewers alike. While it's true that I write for myself more than for anyone else, it's always nice to know that somebody's liking my story. With that said, I may be taking a break from this story until I see the new episodes. I'll also see them late, because I don't get The N at college, so I'm having my family tape them. What do you guys think about me waiting until I see the new episodes to continue? Or do you want me to just continue the story and disregard whatever might come later? Anyway, I've talked long enough. On with the story._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Spencer or Ashley, or any of the other characters that might come into play here. They are all owned by the creator of South Of Nowhere, whose name escapes me._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 4**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

I followed. What else could I do? I knew Ashley was angry, and I knew that I didn't want to be around her when she was angry. I mean, she's unpredictable when she's in a good mood. I can only guess how she is when she's pissed off. And after what happened to Clay the other night, I'm not about to take my chances being stranded in the middle of LA. Thanks, but I'm not that adventurous.

So, here I am, back in her car, looking at her. There's nothing else that I can do. I marvel at the way the sun streams in through the windshield to create a perfect spotlight on her face. I'm sure if she noticed it, she would make some kind of funny comment about being the center of attention. Or maybe she does notice it, and is too mad to say anything.

Those lips, that are normally laughing in my presence, are drawn into a tight frown. I can see the frown lines on her face. Frown lines created by years of mental and emotional abuse from her family, and everyone around her. I don't want to help make those frown lines deeper.

"What are you looking at?" she asked me out of nowhere. I guess she felt my eyes on her, or something.

How was I supposed to tell her that I was looking at her? How was I supposed to tell her that I was looking close enough to notice the frown lines and decide that I didn't want to help deepen them?

I think all of these things, but then I decide that it doesn't matter. The truth is easier to hear than anything sugar coated and fumbling out of my mouth. I've already taken a step towards my fear, I've already kissed her. It wouldn't be a shock to know that I was looking at her.

So, I say simply, "You."

She looked a little shocked at that, like she hadn't expected me to admit it. "Well, at least you're being honest, now."

The rest of the way, we sat in silence. The radio was on, but I couldn't tell you what was playing. I was too lost in my own thoughts.

Unsurprisingly, she didn't take me home. I found myself at an old, abandoned playground on the outskirts of town. She didn't look at me or say anything when she got out of the car. She just got out and started walking. So, I got out and walked, too.

She sat down on a swing, and all I could think of doing was to stand in front of her and watch. Watch her in all of the beauty that she possesses. I stood there, and I watched the wind blow her hair across her face. I watch her fingers try desperately to keep her hair behind her ears. I watched her eyes travel down to her feet. I watched her feet dig little holes in the gravel beneath them. And I watched her body sway gently on the swing.

I saw her look up at me, her eyes naked, not hiding anything. I've never seen her eyes so clear. They've always been clouded or masked by something. But, not now.

"Am I really that scary, Spence?"

I feel my body moving closer to her, kneeling in front of her. I feel warmth in my hands as I take hers in mine. And I feel shock waves course through my arms as I feel her fingertips start to gently massage my palms.

"Look, Ash. You should know more than anyone... how scared I am right now..."

"I know, Spence, but my reputation..."

"Your reputation shouldn't have anything to do with this. I know. But, Ashley, you flirt. Plain and simple. And I know you're all about having a good time. All I'm asking, Ash, is how you really feel about me."

She dropped her head and sighed. Maybe she knew this question was coming. Maybe she was used to it. Maybe not. But, she seemed to know how to answer it.

"Spence, I don't make a habit out of messing with my friends. I don't make a habit out of hurting people that I know I'll wind up missing. People have come in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. Everyone that I started to care about, either disappeared, or was ripped away by some outside force. So, yeah, I've adopted this wild child, rebellious persona. It's the only way that I've been able to live and not have to cry myself to sleep every night." She looked up at me, now. She wasn't crying, but she looked as if she wished she were. "Spencer, you're my friend, above all. I care about you. I'm not going to pull the same shit with you that I pull with everyone else. Especially right now, when you're confused, and scared. Too many6 people have taken advantage of me like that. I'm not about to do it to you."

I could think of nothing to do, but nod in understanding.

She took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. For the first time, she sounded scared. Her eyes were shiny. She had tears in them, somewhere. "Spencer, you have to know that I want to be with you. But, you also have to know that I understand how confused you are. I don't want to push you into anything. Until you know for sure what you want, I'm okay with being your friend. Just... don't leave, okay?"

I nodded, and slowly pulled her to her feet, wrapping my arms around her and holding her as close to me as I could. She seemed so frail that I knew if I let go, she would float away from me forever. On my shoulder, I felt the tears that had threatened her earlier.


	5. Chapter 5

**Review Section**

Daniela: I'm so glad you liked this chapter. It looks like I won't be taking the break I thought about after all.

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Justlikeyou: Yes, it looks like I'll be continuing this story. I know you'll be glad to hear that.

**Author's Notes**

_Due to unanimous vote for me to continue the story, disregarding future episodes, I've decided to keep going. With that said, this chapter is dedicated to MistyRiver17 for doing my research, and justlikeyou for knowing about wonderful sites that let me download wonderful things._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Spencer or Ashley, or any of the other characters that might or might not come into play here. They all belong to Tom Lynch, the creator of South Of Nowhere._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 5**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

Who would have thought that I, Ashley Davies, would be here, wrapped in Spencer Carlin's arms, and crying, in the middle of an old playground, while the sun is setting? I mean, really, we could be doing a thousand different, and better things than this.

Still, her arms do feel good.

But, this is not what I expected to happen. I expected her to figure out her feelings, and run helplessly into my arms. I'm the veteran lesbian here, right? It just makes sense for it to happen that way.

Then again, I should have known things wouldn't go according to plan. Plans always change. That's really the only constant in life.

I composed myself and reluctantly pulled away from her, leaving my hands resting on her shoulders. I just had to have some contact with her. I can't explain why.

"So, are we better, now?" I asked, giving her my best smile.

She rewarded me with a soft chuckle, a smile, and a vigorous nod.

"Great," I said, before taking her hand in mine and leading her toward my car. "Let's go hit the madness."

She waited until we were in the safety of a moving vehicle to tell me that she wasn't up for the madness tonight.

"Come on, Ash, you know as well as I do that my mom would freak."

This was true. Her mother was way overprotective. Spencer took that for granted, though. As much as I wish her mom would lighten up, I have to admit that I'm jealous of Spencer for having parents like that. They really did care about her, you know? More than my parents did for me, anyway.

Still, I didn't want to leave her, yet. "Well, okay. How about I shelter you at my place?"

Spencer scoffed at me. "Yeah, right, Ash. Like my mom would really go for that. On a school night. Hell, I'd be lucky to swing that on a weekend."

"Spencer, Spencer, Spencer," I said in the best parenting tone I could muster. "You're giving up without even trying. Now I KNOW your mother didn't teach you that."

She shook her head and looked at me, a small grin on her face. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her eyes travel over my body for a brief moment. She was beaten. She'd at least make the phone call.

"All right, fine. I'll call my mom when we get to your place."

Things were pretty much uneventful until we got back to my place. Sure, there was idle chit chat, but nothing of any real substance. Nothing that mattered. Maybe we couldn't handle that many emotions in such a short time period. Who knows?

If I were asked to explain why I wanted Spencer with me that night, I couldn't answer it. There was just something pulling at me, telling me that I shouldn't let her go, yet. Like everything wasn't as worked out as I thought it was. No. Things weren't worked out at all. I mean, yes, she felt better because she knows how I feel, but she's still mega confused. Well, I'm not going to rush that. I just didn't want to be alone.

I had left Spencer alone while she called her mom. Hearing me in the background would probably influence her decision, and not in my favor. Of course, she knew where Spencer was, but still. Maybe if it was quiet, I might earn a few brownie points. Not likely, I know, but a girl can hope, right?

I did, however, manage to catch the tail end of their conversation.

"I know it's a school night... We have a big test tomorrow, and we're studying for it. We're probably going to be late... I didn't want to wake you guys up... Yes, Mom... I understand... Thank you."

I leaned my shoulder on the door frame of my room. "Somebody's taken to lying to their parents. I always thought you felt a little funny lying to them."

"Yeah, well," she was quiet for a minute, then said, "Sometimes you have to lie to live. Sometimes you don't."

Whoa. Did that really just come out of innocent, little, Spencer's mouth? "You have more surprises up your sleeves than I thought, there, Carlin."

She cocked an eyebrow and approached me. "Oh, yeah?" And before I knew what was happening, her hand was behind my head, and her mouth was covering my own... forcefully.

I pulled away almost immediately. Something wasn't right. "Spencer, look, don't do anything you're not ready for."

"I know, Ash. But, it's not like you're going to wait around for me forever."

I sighed and felt my lips draw into a tiny line of frustration. "Why do you think that's all I'm interested in? I thought I just got through telling you that I'm fine waiting until you've figured everything out."

She walked over and sat down on my bed. She had a determined look on her face, not sheepish like she did in the park. "It's that point where you know what you want, and feeling safe enough to go for it."

Okay, the quoting me thing, was getting on my nerves. She wasn't me. Didn't she understand that? All the shit I've gone through with this, I don't want her going through it, too.

I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders, and looked her square in the eye. "I am not going to put you through all of the craziness that I was put through when I was figuring things out. You do this on your own. No one can answer your questions but you."

She shook her head in frustration, like there was something I wasn't getting. "I want to be with you, Ashley. Why don't you get that?"

"I do. Believe me, I get that. But, I want to make absolutely sure that you know what you want. And once you know exactly what you want, I want to go really slow. Because, Spence, if this isn't what you want, and we get too caught up in this... well, it gets really complicated."

I knew that she was trying not to think of that. I could tell by the way her eyes changed right after I said it. She was trying not to think of the possibility that she could hurt me. But, she had to think of it. Because it wouldn't just hurt me. It would hurt her, too. It would probably hurt her worse than it would hurt me. Because I'm used to all of this. She's not.

I pushed her shoulders back, silently telling her to lay down. She obeyed, and I lied down beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. Tight enough to tell her that I wanted to keep her with me, but loose enough to let her know that I wasn't going to weight her down. "Let's just lay here, okay? Let's just be with each other like this. No complications this way."

She leaned forward and gave me the gentlest of kisses, much like the first one we shared. Her voice was so soft that I could barely hear it. But, I did. I heard the tiny thank you she whispered in the darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Review Section**

justlikeyou: Yes, you were dedicated. That's how much I love you.

**Author's Note**

_First off, I'd like to apologize ahead of time for this chapter. Please believe me when I say it was necessary. I have to push the girls to their breaking point. Now, would also be a good time to say that this fic will be coming to a close in the next few chapters. Don't worry, I've already got an idea for a sequel, so there will be more Spencer and Ashley goodness coming from me in the future. Also, for that story, I am in need of a beta reader. So, yeah, anyone who's interested, just tell me. To anyone who says that the following is unrealistic, and that these circumstances can't bring two people together, my response to you is... bullshit. That's my only answer to you. On a side note, I will be leaving on Tuesday, and will not be back until the following Monday. I will have some internet access, but I can't say how much writing I'll be able to get accomplished. With all that said, on with the story._

_This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Sarah. I never stopped loving you._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 6**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

The halls were buzzing, as usual. And, as usual, I was walking down the buzzing halls next to Ashley. But, what wasn't usual, was the fact that we were now holding hands. It doesn't seem like much. Girls hold each other's hands all the time. It doesn't mean anything. But, to me, it does.

I was embarrassed about the way I acted in her room. It's just that I'm so afraid of losing her. Even though I don't really have her. It's just that I'm afraid that something better is going to come in her life, and she's going to be swept away from me. Swept away on the passing wind. And I'll be left alone.

I thought maybe if I could give myself to her, she'd stay. She wouldn't get bored. Maybe she wouldn't get tired of waiting around for me to figure everything out. I still should have known her better than that. Even before she explained, I should have known better.

It's in the middle of the day, so it's not like we're heading anywhere special. Just our separate classes. It just so happens that our classes are in the same direction. Nothing special, right?

We had a few moments to spare. It was a big campus, so we had longer breaks between classes. There were things that I wanted to talk about. But, lately, there have always been things that I want to talk about. It's like no matter how much talking we do, I never say what I mean, and there's always misunderstandings.

I was confused. Why would she want me at her house after she confessed that she wanted to be with me, if sleeping with me wasn't on her list of things to do? As much as I care about her, I just don't understand Ashley. Then again, I don't understand myself, so it's pretty much expected that I wouldn't understand another human being.

Like I said, we had a few moments to spare, so I took her over to the side of the hallway, leaving room for other people to go by and not pay any attention to us.

She had a stray strand of hair in front of her eyes, and I pushed it behind her ear for her. Just a simple gesture. No big deal. I didn't notice the girls across the hall watching us.

Ashley looked nervous. That should have been a red flag. Ashley's never nervous. "What's wrong, Spence? Can it wait?"

It probably could have waited, but it didn't feel that way at the time. It felt like if I didn't say it now, I never would. "Ash, why won't you let me be with you?"

Ashley started to shift her weight around, and her eyes started to get shifty. "Look, Spence, not now, okay?"

"Why not? Why not now?" I was getting a little flustered by this time. I was ready to talk. I was ready to tell her that I knew that I wanted her. Why was she making this so hard?

"Just... Not. Now."

I was starting to get really mad, you know? She was so keen to tell me how she wanted to be with me in the privacy of an abandoned playground, but now that we're back in reality, she's pushing everything aside.

"Ashley, I want to be with you. I know that. I want to be with you more than anything else, and I just... want you to let me. I know my feelings for you aren't just friendship. If we both want to be with each other, why can't we?"

Ashley closed her eyes, and looked down. "Spencer... not... now... please."

I had had enough. Once again, I was getting nowhere. So I stormed off. What else could I do? If I stayed in front of her, I knew that I would try to prove my point in a more physical manner. So, i walked off to cool my head. Think things over. Think of a better way to tell her how much I wanted to hold her.

I was so distracted by these thoughts that I didn't notice the group of girls start moving the same time I did. The only thing I did notice, was Ashley calling out my name. I thought about ignoring her, but she sounded so scared. I couldn't turn myself away from a scared Ashley.

I turned around. I saw Ashley in the background, still screaming my name. Then I saw the hand flying towards me.

Then my world went black.


	7. Chapter 7

**Review Section**

His Keno Waitress: Hey, don't worry. Spencer's not too beaten up.

Caitlin: Thanks. I was worried about keeping them in character, but it looks like I've done a good job of that.

Hbob: Thank you so much for your review. I'm ecstatic that you like my story. And, yes, here is the remedy to the situation.

MistyRiver17: Merry Christmas to you, too.

Justlikeyou: Duh, you're loved. And I had to have a really good cliffhanger in here, somewhere. It would've felt empty without one.

**Author's Notes**

_I'm still looking for a beta reader for my next story. Because there will definitely be a next story. That's really all the news I have. Merry Christmas, everyone. Or Happy Whatever-Holiday-You-Celebrate. Enough of my ramble. On with the story._

**It's Where You're Going**

**Chapter 7**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

My heart shattered. That's the only way I know how to explain what happened to me the moment I saw that bitch hit Spencer. My heart shattered into a million, tiny pieces, and they were strewn everywhere. They were scattered to the far corners of the world, and there was no way that I was going to be able to find them all to put them back together. There was no way my heart could be whole again.

I forgot all about school. It wasn't important anymore. All that was important was taking care of Spencer. I ran to where the girls were. I pushed them out of the way. I got a little roughed up doing so, but my body didn't seem to notice.

When I found her, she was awake, but it was like she wasn't really there. I pulled her to her feet and made her lean on me, and I helped her slowly to my car. The nurse wouldn't do anything. Especially if I brought her in. She's such a homophobe, she would have thought that Spencer got what she deserved.

No one deserves this.

I laid her down in the backseat of my car before getting into the driver's seat and taking off. Every few seconds, I would look back at her and make sure she was okay.

Damn it, why didn't she just listen to me when I told her not to talk about that then? Did she really not notice the crowd gathering?

We got to my house, and I gathered her in my arms as best I could. We slowly made our way up to my bedroom where I helped her lay down on the bed. I disappeared into the bathroom for a few moments to grab a damp towel and assorted first aid items.

While I was in there, though, I started to cry. Because this is what I was trying to protect her from. All of this hate. But, I couldn't sit here and cry for long, because Spencer needed me. And I needed to be strong for her. So with an angry, frustrated punch to my leg, I sucked it up, and went to her.

She had a black eye, a split lip, and random minor cuts and bruises covering her body. The damage wasn't all that bad. But, the fact that there was damage at all...

I cleaned her lip up and put ice on her eye. I was busy putting bandages over a few of her worse cuts when I noticed her free eye looking at me. I looked back. I felt her hand grope for mine, and finally grasp it, giving it a squeeze.

I reached up with my free hand and smoothed her hair. I had to say something. "Spencer, this is why I wasn't letting you be with me too quickly. This is what I was trying to protect you from. This isn't your world."

She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and looking deeper into me than I think she ever has before. "You're my world."

She reached a hand up to my face and traced the outline of my lips with her finger. Then she asked me a question. A question I knew would be coming sooner or later. "Did this happen to you?"

I raised my shirt a little bit to reveal a small scar below my breast. And I nodded, and I felt tears sting my eyes. But, I couldn't cry. I had to be strong for her.

"I guess this is our initiation, huh? We're not really gay until we've been beaten up for it."

I couldn't help but smile at her attempt at humor in this situation. She hadn't given up hope.

"Ashley," she started. "I want to be with you. You said you want to be with me, too. Don't deny me. You're only denying yourself."

"I know, Spence. I know." And with that, I brought her hand to my lips, and kissed each of her fingertips gently. We sat in comfortable silence for a long time before she broke it.

"How are we going to explain this to my mom?"

My eyes met hers and I realized that she was joking. It was a serious question, but we didn't need to think about it yet.

And so we laughed.

And we were happy.

The End


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